Random mini-blogs

Well it’s been a while since I’ve posted here and I’m feeling pretty uninspired lately, so I’m going to string together some mini-blogs. If anyone would like to suggest topics for future blogs, please send them my way. I’m out of ideas.
Here’s some snippets…

So your boobs really do get bigger after having a kid…
Here is a mini-guest blog from my little sister Ashley. She had been working at her new job about two weeks when this unfortunate event occurred. Here it is in her words:
I was sitting in a morning meeting at 10 am this morning when a horrific thing occurred. Not 2 minutes into it, I barely leaned on the corner of the table, and I hear a snap. I realized my underwire on my bra had broken. So I'm hoping it will be short meeting so I can go to the restroom and adjust. But no, of course not. So as the meeting gets longer and longer, the wire inches out more and more. It is stabbing me and pinching me and is just overall extremely painful. As soon as the meeting ends (1.5 hours later), I tell my boss I need to take my lunch break to go to the Galleria and buy a new bra, as at this point the one I'm currently wearing is completely useless. So I get in my car as fast as I can and find the nearest Wamu (I got my first check today, and needed to deposit it before buying a bra). I rush back to my parking garage, park, and run across to the galleria and enter through Nordstroms. I find this new store a friend told me about because I desperately need a fitting as well. When I tell them what size I think I am (38C) they laugh. I try on a few new bras, and discover I am a 34F. And my boobs are slightly mis-shapen from wearing the wrong size bra. I buy one bra and promise to come back when I'm not on my lunch break.

Now my boobs feel absolutely amazing and I never knew a bra could feel so good. Plus, they don't sag anymore. But I still have a nasty red spot where my wire rubbed me raw....

It must take something stronger than beer to get through a Britney Spears concert
My mom and two and a half year old nephew Trevor came to visit me a couple of weeks ago while my brother attended cello camp in Arlington. We did lots of fun stuff while they were here – played in the pool, rode the trolley, went shopping, etc. But probably the highlight of Trevor’s visit was when we went to the circus at American Airlines Center. I think he’s still playing with his $30 spinning light thingy and talking about lions and elephants and clowns. When we went to the circus, I had had a tough week and an even tougher day, so the whole car ride to the circus I was hoping and praying they would be selling beer there. I could just taste the cold, frothy goodness. And guess what – they sold beer and I drank every drop out of my 24 ounce cup! But here’s the ironic part – I remember very clearly attending a Britney Spears concert several years ago at the very same venue where beer was not available for sale. So you can buy beer at the circus, but not at the Britney concert? Go figure. Well it was right around the time she was starting to go downhill - maybe it was for her own protection.

There’s No Place Like Aunt Kelly’s
As I mentioned Trevor’s visit to Dallas was probably the highlight of his life. At the end of the week I took Trevor for a six hour car ride to Evadale, Texas for a family reunion. It was there that he would be reunited with his mom and dad after spending nearly a week apart. My sister had never been away from Trevor for that long, so naturally she was very excited to see him. So when we pulled up she started running toward the car. Trevor stood there watching her run toward him staring at her like she was crazy. When she got a few feet away, Trevor ran over to me and wrapped around my leg. I’m pretty sure I saw a tear in Ashley’s eye, but I am just glad that I am henceforth known as the fun aunt.

Red, Hot, and Puke
Last Friday several of us went to eat lunch at Dallas BBQ joint Red, Hot, and Blue. It was me and seven guys (I work with all guys, therefore I eat lunch with all guys). Today at work it seemed relatively sparse for a Monday. Turns out that half the people I had eaten lunch with on Friday got food poisoning and spent their entire weekends in the bathroom. Either that or they concocted this ploy to all skip out on work today. Either way, they all had the pulled pork, and it seems that many are still paying for it. I’m just glad I got the chicken.

Olga! Homer! Get in time out!
It’s raining babies. My friend Jenny will give birth to daughter number two later this week. My cousin and his wife had a baby on Saturday. And the fun is just beginning for my friend Laura who is carrying quadruplets. Despite my mothers’ urging to adopt a baby girl from China (“Ya know you don’t have to be married to adopt a child, Kelly. Who’s going to care for you when you get old?”) I am years away from learning how to suppress my gag reflex long enough to change a diaper. But something has happened – my cousin and his wife stole my baby name. Madeline. Maddie for short. It’s not their fault, I thought it might be pretty psychopathic of me to declare to the world I had names picked out for my un-conceived children. And why should I? I mean maybe if I could find someone to pretend to be my FH (future husband) for a few minutes I might have a right to claim names. But clearly I’m no where near that, so I can’t just reserve names. What was I thinking? But at the rate my friends are popping them out, and at the speed at which I’m cruising at, I just better get used to sound of Agnes and Hugh.

That hula hoop trick was a perfect ten
Can I just say what everyone is thinking? Thank goodness the Olympics are over! Sure at first it was fun – Michael Phelps, underage gymnasts, but was it worth the four hoursof sleep a night I’ve been averaging? It was more frustrating than anything. Here are some of my observations:
Why can’t we prove the Chinese gymnasts are underage? It’s 2008 people – isn’t there some kind of DNA testing or something like that? It’s not like they are barely too young. They are freaking 12! If we can count rings to tell the age of a tree, then why can’t we tell how old a human is? Does anyone else think this is weird?

I’ve never run track before, but I would think that passing off the baton in a track relay would be an essential and fundamental skill. I know. Call me crazy. How is it possible that both the US men and women could screw it up? Was it covered in Vaseline? I’m not claiming to be an expert in baton handoffs, but they should be! How does something like that happen? Similarly, serving a volleyball over a net in bounds should probably be a given for an Olympic volleyball player.

The first week was exciting, the second week was boring, but thank goodness we could cap the whole thing off with a healthy dose of rhythmic gymnastics. I must say the hula hoop skills are mesmerizing. I see an extremely successful Cirque Du Soleil career in these girls’ future.
I’m just saying I think I’ll be okay waiting four years for the next one. That’s all.

Smoke? No Way!
Well I’m still doing the online dating thing, or should I stay I’m still paying for the online dating thing. It hasn’t been quite as much fun since Grapevine Chris quit stalking me. Match.com was boring me, and since I was looking for some kproc.com inspiration, I took advantage of the Eharmony $45 for three months sale. That hasn’t been that exciting either. Here’s a guy who says Smoke – No Way! (one of my basic criteria), yet his profile picture shows him with a cig hanging out the right side of his mouth. Sexy. I did initiate communication with a guy with a mustache, just to change it up a little. I’ve been on one so-so date and one excruciatingly painful date. Just one or two more and I’ll have my memberships paid off, and hopefully some good blog material. But so far, nothing exciting to report. Maybe I should reach out to Grapevine Chris and see if he’ll go back to stalking me.

It’s not like it’s 238,494 Zambian Kwacha’s
I’m currently fighting with my old apartment complex. They are trying to charge me excessive and unreasonable charges for my move out in March above and beyond the deposit I already agreed to forfeit. We have been fighting over this for a couple of months now, and the current negotiated bill is for $65.24. Yes, I know it’s not like they are trying to charge me $500, and writing a $66 check won’t break the bank, but it’s the principle of it. Without going into too much detail, I will say that when I was moving out I called the office and asked what I needed to do, and I proceeded to follow instructions that were provided to me over the phone. Apparently the person I was talking to was smoking something, since doing what they told me to do was not enough to avoid these ridiculous charges. But none of those people work there anymore, the entire management has changed, and everyone refuses to believe me. I realize now I should have been recording every phone conversation I ever had.

I filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau, but I also didn’t want to have a $66 bill hanging over my head, so I went in a few weeks ago to pay my bill. With 6,524 pennies. It’s US legal tender, but the office refused to accept it, even though no where does it state they only take check or money order as they claim. So I’m still fighting this with the leasing office, the corporate office, and through the Better Business Bureau. If they refuse to accept my payment I’ll be glad to pay via check. 6,524 of them for $0.01 each. Anyone have a check printing hook up?