Online Dating Round 8

So I’ve been on match.com on and off for a few years now. While it hasn’t reaped hundreds of dates and long term relationships with Mr. Perfect, it has been somewhat of a fun hobby if nothing else. “I wonder what freaks I’m going to attract today?” I’ll ask myself when I roll out of bed in the morning. Even when I’m not a paid subscriber, I still leave my profile up so that other people can view it and pretend like they know me after looking at a few pictures and reading a few paragraphs. Occasionally I’ll get a “wink.” This is just an automated message that people can choose to send to one another to let them know they are interested. As a non-paying subscriber you can send and receive winks, but that’s about it. If someone is so moved by your profile they want to send you an email, you will receive an email saying you have an email, but you can’t check the email or even see who sent you the email. Did you catch all that?

So about a month or so ago I had received a few emails in my match.com inbox, but as a non-paying subscriber I couldn’t read them. It had been about a year since I had been a paid subscriber, so I decided to spring for the $60 three month subscription out of curiosity. So from about mid-June to mid-September, I’m going to make the most of my $60. In fact last week I went out with a guy that had sent one of those initial emails that piqued my curiosity and led me to sign up. I’ve got a few other “conversations” going with some others, and plans to meet up with another guy this week. As my friend Russell says, “I’m E-pimpin’.”

But none of this information is worthy of a blog. What is more interesting is the people I have found on match.com and the people who have found me, who either can’t read or read selectively. To explain, I first need to give you a general idea about my profile:

My screen name is txex01 – because I graduated from UT in 2001. Yes I will accost you with my Longhorn pride right off the bat.

There are 13 pictures of me on my profile. This is probably more than the average, but I try to convey many things about me in my pictures. A photo of me in Hong Kong and another snow skiing shows that I like to travel. There is a photo of me on a skateboard on St. Patrick’s Day. This shows that I am fun-loving. There are two pictures of me with my friends from college, who are all smoking hot. This shows that I am not a recluse, and that there may be a consolation prize in store if I don’t work out. There are two pictures of me with my nephew, who is super cute. You might think at first glance that this might be my child (which would most likely be a turnoff for many potential suitors), but my profile says “Have Kids: None” so that fear is laid to rest, and the picture just shows I am probably good with kids. And finally I have a picture of the scoreboard at the BCS championship game when Texas beat USC, again to accost you with my Longhorn pride and fend off any Aggie or Sooner potentials. It is worth noting that in all my pictures I am in much better shape than I am today. There are even a couple of pictures that may be the best pictures I’ve ever taken. At first I felt guilty about this, but then I remembered that everyone else does the same thing and people should be smart enough to understand that I am not as hot in person as I am on the internet. At least the pictures online are actually pictures of me and not some photo-shopped supermodel pic.

A very important aspect of my profile is the “Body Type” category. Here are the body types you can choose from: slender, athletic and toned, about average, a few extra pounds, stocky, heavyset, and other. I think it is pretty commonly understood on match.com that if you choose “about average” you could probably stand to use a few pounds. Many guys will even specify that they are only looking for women that are slender or athletic and toned. But I took a risk and decided to set my body type at “a few extra pounds.” Some people might think this is stupid, but I think it facilitates efficiency in matching. I would say that when you select “a few extra pounds” on match.com you are filtering out ~90% of the men that would have matched your own search criteria. Why would I want to do that? Several reasons: 1. As I mentioned before, I am thinner in my pictures than I am now, so I compensate by choosing a few extra pounds so guys don’t have unreasonable expectations. 2. Even if I were skinny, I wouldn’t want to date a guy that was only okay with dating skinny girls. I’m never going to be skinny forever, and I don’t want to live under that pressure. And 3. I’d like to think that somewhere out there there is a guy that puts as little emphasis in physical appearance as I do. I know what you are thinking. Keep dreaming.

Aside from that I basically list my educational background, faith, that I work out and try to eat healthy, I don’t smoke, that I’m politically middle of the road, that I like to travel, and a few paragraphs about myself. Pretty standard stuff actually.

So another thing to note is that I have clearly specified what I am looking for in a guy. I think I’m fairly reasonable when it comes to what I’m looking for. A guy within a ten year span encompassing my age that is at least 5’8” with any body type except slender (I never want to feel I’m bigger than the guy I’m with). He lives within 50 miles of my zip code, and ethnicity is white, Latino/Hispanic, or other (I may be able to open this up after my grandparents become senile or die). Faith must be Catholic, Protestant, or Christian/Other. Education must be at least a bachelor’s degree. Many people have called me out on this, saying this makes me a snob. I have compromised by saying that I’m looking for this, but if a guy emails me without a bachelor’s degree I won’t automatically rule him out. Smoke: No way or cigars only. Drink: socially. Never married or divorced and no kids. Fairly reasonable, don’t you think?

Which brings me to the point of this posting. Why, oh why, do I get noticed by men who come no where close to matching my criteria? Here’s a sampling of a few people that have winked or emailed me since I re-subscribed in the last month.

One man dubs himself as “the man you can call your future.” He is never married with a child, and instead of specifying conservative, liberal, or middle of the road, he chose “some other viewpoint.” I don’t think I want to know what that other viewpoint might be.

One guy says “I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous!” He last read his cell phone bill. Literature buff? I think not. Aside from that, he isn’t even looking for “a few extra pounds” women according to his profile.

Another guy with the word “Ice” in his screen name emailed to say he loved my profile and wants to chat. Yet Mr. Ice is an atheist, and I wrote a whole paragraph in my profile on the importance of faith.

I could go on and one – I’ve received winks or emails from guys that smoke. Guys that are over the age of 50. Guys that live in Oklahoma, Maine, and North Dakota. Guys that find “boldness/assertiveness” a turn-off. Guys younger than me specifically looking for women older than them (do I look like a Cougar?) Guys who say they don’t smoke, but are only looking for women whose smoking status is “trying to quit.” Should I keep going? Where are the guys that are looking for me?

And now I remember, this is why I’m not a full time paying subscriber. The filtering out of all the crap takes three times longer than actually communicating with the real potential FHs (that’s future husband). But anyway, I have paid for this thing for three months, so as I said before, I will make the most of it. I’ll let you know if anything crazy happens.