30 Things in the Next 30 Years

My 30th birthday came and went. I don’t really feel too much older, unless you count the fact that after I do step aerobics my knees crack when I walk down the stairs for the next two days. In my last blog I gave you “30 Things in 30 Years.” And while I’ve accomplished a lot in my 30 years , I also made a list of 30 things I’d like to do in the next 30 years. So here goes:

1. Get married. That’s right Mom – I said it. It’s on my list.

2. Live for a year or two outside of the US. Really anywhere but Antarctica would be okay with me. I don’t think there would be enough fleece in the world to make that comfortable.

3. Learn to play the fiddle. OK – I realize a fiddle really is a violin, but I would like to play “The Devil Went Down to Georgia” and besides it’s way more interesting to say, “I play the fiddle.”

4. Learn sign language. Currently I know the alphabet and a few bad words, but that’s it.

5. Write a book. At a minimum it would be a compilation of non-fiction short stories a la David Sedaris, but without the drugs.

6. Take a mission trip to Africa. And maybe, Mom, I’ll buy a kid while I’m there.

7. Learn a foreign language. Spanish would be practical, but Norwegian? That would be fun!

8. Learn to dive. I don’t mean scuba dive. I mean actually jump off the diving board with my arms over my head and go head first (feet last) into the water without doing a belly flop.

9. Make a gigantic anonymous donation to something. Any ideas on how to get rich first?

10. Quit biting my nails. I’ve tried – I can’t help it if the pepper flavored nail polish tastes good.

11. Fit into my prom dress. OK really I mean just lose some weight, but if I could fit into my prom dress I’d take a picture and make a Christmas card out of it.

12. Learn to fly and get my pilot’s license (and maybe spell out kproc.com in the air with my plane)

13. Go skydiving. WHEEEEEE!!!!!

14. Join a band. Maybe I can be the fourth Dixie Chick!

15. Go on a vacation without taking my laptop. Good luck, self.

16. Spend several weeks in the Italian countryside taking cooking and wine classes. Maybe I should learn to like tomato sauce first.

17. Go to Hawaii. I’d fire walk, hula dance, be an extra on Lost, the whole nine yards.

18. Compete in a reality show. Any one but The Real World. I really think I could kick some butt on Survivor.

19. Go back to school to get my PhD so I can officially be Doctor Proctor!

20. Visit Australia Mate!

21. Participate in a step aerobics marathon. By my calculations, doing step aerobics for five hours straight is equivalent to running 26.2 miles at 5 miles per hour (that’s how slow I’d run). Who wants to do it with me? We can pick a charity.

22. Go to the Superbowl (hopefully when the Cowboys are playing – probably when I’m like 80 years old)

23. Read the whole bible. Not the kids bible with all the pictures. I mean the real thing.

24. Learn to scuba dive. I hear I might suffocate, but the Australian scenery might be worth it.

25. Learn to play the harmonica, and get one of those things that goes around your neck so you can play harmonica without holding it in your hands. I know, that’s hot.

26. At least try to water ski. I know I will fall, but I should probably try at least once instead of breaking my back on that stupid tube.

27. See my nephew (and other nieces and nephews that may come) graduate from college. If they graduate from UT I might even buy them a present.

28. Play in a fantasy football league with a bunch of guys and WIN! That would make the guys at work REAL happy!

29. Buy a baby grand piano to go in the music room I don’t yet have in the house I don’t yet have

30. Find some stupid hidden talent and perform it on Conan O’Brien’s show. Suggestions?

Wow – this is a pretty big list. I better get to work!

30 Things in 30 Years

Composed September 15, 2008

Here I am, on the eve of the 30th anniversary of my birth. I have a glass of Shiraz in one hand, a diet coke in the other, and the Cowboys on TV. I am reflective.

30 years is a long time, and so I started to think of whether I’d made the most of my 30 years on earth. Of course there are things I still want to do (those will be revealed in a future blog), but I made a list of 30 things I have done or accomplished that at least I can say I’ve “checked off my list” so to speak. It was hard to cut it down to just 30, but in no particular order, 30 things in 30 years:

1. I decided I wanted to play the guitar, so I did. Two guitars and countless dollars spent in lessons later, I play a mean “Silent Night”

2. I watched a guy drink snake blood in a Taiwanese market. This is an accomplishment, because it confirmed for me that I will never, ever do it.

3. I jumped off a three story cliff canyoning in Switzerland. The funny thing is that after I jumped my friend Jasmine, the one who begged and pleaded and insisted I go in the first place, chickened out and had to rappel down.

4. I went on a walking beer tour in the middle of January with ten complete strangers in Munich, half of whom I could not communicate with. And I discovered – Russians don’t just throw back vodka.

5. I danced in a televised parade. 7th grade – Foley’s Thanksgiving Day parade in Houston. We danced to Vogue. I froze my jazz hands off.

6. I ran in a race. Yes me. Yes a race. A fun run actually. I think I was about six. We ran around the football stadium. On the backside of the football stadium I realized I was in last place. So when I turned the corner toward the finish line, I started limping as if I’d fallen down and THAT’S why I was last. I have never revealed that to anyone until now. Somehow I still got a trophy.

7. I sustained a sports injury. I tore my ACL snow skiing, and I’ve been back on the slopes about five times since the surgery. Every time I’ve skied since then I have never fallen. Not even when David Daniels and Ryan Blakeney tried to take me down.

8. I bought a house and a car all by myself. Of course I did not realize I was going to have to spend two hours a day changing light bulbs.

9. I saw my brother play cello in the Texas All State Orchestra, which is cool, except that he sweats a lot.

10. I made it 30 years without being arrested. Take that Reagan!!!!

11. I learned how to tap dance. And after another glass of wine, I may just put on a little show for myself.

12. I managed to never use any kind of drugs, except for whatever you people may have slipped me over the years without my knowledge.

13. I watched the University of Texas (the greatest school ever!) win the BCS championship against USC, live in person.

14. I tried out for a reality show – The Apprentice. I could have been Omarosa.

15. I enjoyed certain delicacies in Asia, like a Green Bean popsicle in Beijing, and Pig Ear in Hong Kong (chewy!)

16. I watched basketball (March Madness) and played craps with the mafia in Vegas

17. I, along with several friends, was solicited by a swinging couple on a cruise. We politely declined.

18. I went to the Olympics (Atlanta 1996) – baseball and women’s basketball. My two favorite sports! (That’s sarcasm)

19. I “studied” abroad twice – once in Paris and once in Hong Kong. Notice the strategic use of quotation marks with the word studied.

20. I got my MBA. Or should I say that while working full time I agonized through two and a half years of mind-numbing lectures when even a 64 ounce double gulp was NEVER enough diet coke

21. I learned how to make a website and get over 104,000 hits.

22. I survived a church retreat as a chaperone for 100 junior high and high school kids at church. And I thought I wasn’t a kid person!

23. I learned to like roller coasters after being terrified when I was younger, and now it’s love.

24. I went wine tasting in Napa in a limo with my infamous ex. At least I got a trip to San Francisco out of him.

25. I somehow, someway kept my composure in my bridesmaid dress when retrieving aforementioned ex from the hospital in New Orleans after a very unfortunate (for him) night.

26. I bought a piano after not having played for eight years, just because I heard Billy Joel’s “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” on the radio

27. I went white water rafting in Lake Tahoe. Accidentally wore helmet backwards. Flipped completely out of the boat.

28. I visited a Japanese beer brewery with co-workers and took an hour long tour that I couldn’t understand a word of.

29. I hiked the Great Wall of China in flip flops. I thought we were just going to look and take pictures, and had left my Puma’s at home.

30. I taught my two year old nephew to chant “Romo! Romo!” much to the chagrin of my Texans fanatic brother in law.

In conclusion, I was told yesterday that I am a “desperate, desperate, Cougar” And since I have an hour and a half to go, this desperate desperate Cougar is going to go play with her Snoopy Sno Cone Machine.