Online Networking

We’ve come a long way since Al Gore invented the internet. And while constant debate looms over who has the most prolific MySpace network or which dating website is most likely to get you some action, I decided to see for myself. In the name of research, I have been active on several websites lately whose goal is to connect people. So here is my take on the pros and cons of these websites.

Social
When several early versions like Friendster failed to take off, MySpace basically wrote the book on social networking. With over 50 million users, you can find profiles for everyone from Bob Barker to your high school chemistry teacher to three quarters of the people on the To Catch A Predator Dateline specials. Which leads me to my first and only pro for MySpace – everybody is doing it. Now I have closed my Myspace account (read more to find out why), but when I had one, I by no means had a vast network. But with such an extensive network available, you can get plugged into all kinds of stuff – celebrities, bands, my sisters’ dance studio, etc. But that’s where the pros end.

While MySpace would tout that the ability to customize your profile encourages expression of individualism, some users forgot that black text doesn’t really work well on a black background. I may have had 75 friends, but the number with profiles I could actually read? Much smaller. Another con for MySpace – people can easily spam your entire friends list with promises to eliminate your credit card debt or elongate certain body parts. And the biggest con (however also a source for entertainment) is that privacy is limited, which means that I get all kinds of fun emails from all kinds of interesting people. Case in point: excerpts from an email I once received from Benjamin in Nigeria, “hello sweet kproc how are you doing ?... i will like to marry you meshakproc…you have stolen my heart baby…for me when i was a child i told my mom that i will marry a usa lady if i have the chance and the chance have arrived and you standing as my wife it is a great thing to happen to my life . i promise you that i will not give up…baby love you” Now isn’t that romantic?

Why do I like Facebook? They win hands down on the stalk-ability meter. Every time you log in to Facebook you get a newsfeed of what’s going on with people in your network. For instance, if you were my Facebook friend, Facebooks’ newsfeed tells me who you recently added as friends, when you added pictures, and it even gives me your email address. I appreciate that the profiles are not cluttered with ads, crap, and unreadable profiles, but as a stalking enthusiast, Facebook wins it all based on this feature alone.

Another pro for Facebook is the fun applications you can attach to your profile. Any of my Facebook friends can click on my profile and see a map of the cities I’ve visited, play Oregon Trail with me, or see that I scored a 53 on Dr. Phil’s personality test. But what is a pro can also be a con. Many times when you try to add an application, Facebook sends messages to your friends asking them to also add the application.

But let us remember why we’re really on these social networking sites. I mean who doesn’t want to rekindle their friendship with the hoochie “best friend” who stole your boyfriend in ninth grade or planted a lit cigarette in your prom dress after downing a bottle of Everclear? That, my friends, is what social networking is all about.

Professional
I’m not too familiar with Linkedin’s competition, so I’ll just focus on what it does. Linkedin is a professional networking website that takes the Kevin Bacon game to a whole new level. I have 115 direct Linkedin connections, which means I’m two degrees away from 9300+ professional contacts, which means I’m three degrees away from 772,300+ professional contacts, which means if I ever feel like becoming a rodeo clown, I’m just a friend of a friend away from THREE people who can help me get my floppy red clown shoe in the door. Sure, an MBA with an accounting emphasis may not be the experience they are looking for, but at least we know someone in common. And once they see my skill in a barrel, they will change their mind.

Linkedin shows you who you’re connected to, but also allows you to input your resume details. So that if anyone is looking for someone just like you to fill some employment requisition, you are notified and can pop over your resume with a Randy Jackson-esque name drop.

Dating
I’m not sure why I’m outlining the pros and cons of a dating website to an audience likely composed primarily of married or practically married couples, but I know you are just dying to know how I keep my social calendar stuffed with dates with hot, rich, successful men. So here’s how it works…

On Eharmony you take a ridiculously long and detailed assessment aimed at getting to understand the core of you. How do you react to certain situations, do you doodle animals or symbols, and how long is your index finger in relation to your ring finger? You know – important stuff. Then as long as you aren’t one of the people who get that dreaded response, “We’re sorry but there is a small population of people we just can’t help. Good luck!” (my sister got it – it’s not a joke), then you are thrown into a database with 13 million other “eligible” singles. You are sent matches based on compatibility, which means you actually have to be matched via Eharmony’s system, you can’t just go out and browse anyone’s profile. Then you go through a series of communication steps (answering multiple choice questions, answering short answer questions, sending a list of likes/dislikes, etc.) before you can actually communicate openly back and forth. That means that if you haven’t lost interest after the three weeks it takes you to get there, you may actually get to have an unscripted conversation with this person.

Match.com, on the other hand, is a virtual free for all. With over 15 million singles actively looking for love, you can find just about anyone (including your boss, your sisters’ pet hamster and your co-workers’ husband). You can view who you want, wink at who you want, and email who you want. Of course this works both ways, and I’m still confused as to why a man my dad’s age who got his GED last year and chews tobacco thinks I might be interested in him when my profile clearly specifies otherwise. So there is some filtering to be done, but once you get past that you can surely find some entertainment in running a search for 27-38 year old men 5’10” and taller within 30 miles of your zip code that have never been married, don’t smoke, make $150K+ annually, have no kids, have a PhD and are Christian then winking at them and seeing if any write back (probably not because your body type in your profile is described as “about average”). Of course I speak hypothetically.

When you put them side by side, I choose match.com even though my chances of being in a television commercial are now drastically reduced. Match has more opportunity to meet people (Eharmony is often criticized for limiting matches and excluding same-sex matches), it’s cheaper, and it’s just more entertaining. And if you are interested in dating someone who drinks a lot of hurricanes then passes out in the floor of a church nursery where he has vomited and urinated, well match.com is the place to look. Again, I speak hypothetically.

One final note: If you think Craig’s List is the place to find a nice young man or woman to spend the rest of your life with – well I highly suggest you do not try to prove that on your work computer. That’s what a personal computer is for.

So in conclusion, find someone you like on match.com, see how many degrees separate you on Linkedin, then stalk them on Facebook. It obviously works for me.