Security Is Everyone's Business!

Well I’m sure I’m not the only one whose workplace feels a little different these days. With the current economic state there are a few less heads around here and a few less orders to fill. Earlier this week I saw a pin-stripe-suited-woman in the hallway rummaging through an unattended, trash-filled janitors’ bin pulling out bubble wrap. I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. But I can say with confidence there is one thing my company isn’t scrimping on these days, and that is security. Since the beginning of April I have received three “Security Awareness Notices” in my office, two of those coming in the last three days.

From what I gather, security walks the halls peeking in people’s offices looking for anything left out that someone could steal. Apparently my personal cell phone qualifies, so I end up with a “ticket” with my name, office location, and signature of the security officer indicating a security violation due to “unsecured cellular phone.” (Note that two out of the three tickets have my first name spelled wrong, despite the fact that my name is prominently displayed with correct spelling on the nameplate outside my office AND the only way the security officer would know my name to write it on the ticket would be to read it off the nameplate).

On April 1 I (or should I say Kelley) received my first notice, citation number 26623 (I thought it was an April Fools joke, but I was wrong).

On April 7 I receive citation number 28818

On April 9 I (again addressed as Kelley) received number 30986

Does this mean that between April 1st and April 7th 2,195 citations were written and between April 7th and April 9th (TWO DAYS) 2,168 citations were written? You’d think the economy would result in less work to go around, but seems like security is working hard and earning their paycheck!

I polled the office, and it seems that I’m not the only one who has been affected. One co-worker got a notice for a purse left out, another for a laptop, and another for leaving a calculator similar to this on her desk.

I guess she’s supposed to stuff it in a drawer every time she walks down the hall to go to the bathroom?

Then I wondered (silently, of course, I don’t want people to think I’m weird!) why does security think that my cell phone is the thing in my office most attractive to thieves? Surveying my area, I found several other things I would think would be even more susceptible to disappearing, including (but not limited to):

• A photo calendar with pictures of a snowman pez dispenser stationed in front of famous landmarks (April features Mr. Snowman Pez in front of Casa Rosada in Buenos Aires, Argentina)
  
• A set of 8 pound weights I use when a report is taking a long time to run on my computer


• A plaque recognizing me for outstanding effort in the area of Probe Cost Reduction in 2004


• Various loot from career fairs, including race cars and beanie babies covered in company logos


• A real stamp (like stamp and ink pad) with my name on it


• An HP DeskJet printer that I swear is from 1992 that sounds like it’s going to die every time I turn it on


• A proudly displayed newspaper article listing The University of Texas as the 3rd biggest party school in the nation


• About a dozen or so pictures, most of me with a group of girls at a baby shower, wedding shower, or wedding (these have been known to disappear from time to time, later to be found in perverted male co-workers' offices)


• A white pom pom, orange beeds, and Rose Bowl National Championship pennant from when Texas won the BCS title in 2006


• And last but not least, a chicken catapult that you shoot down the hall and it clucks when it hits the wall (GREAT for stress relief! Annoying for co-workers)
  

I decided to visit our Worldwide Security & Emergency Services home page to learn more about this hard working organization. Some highlights from the webpage: Security & Emergency Services and Worldwide Security have recently merged. Yay (I think)!!!! There have been 12,053 site visits in some unspecified time frame. There are three different security phone numbers you can call (not to mention emergency contacts for every site) depending on whether it’s an emergency or non emergency. And the praise and recognition section touts that three employees have passed the Opacity Smoke School (I’m not sure what that is but it sounds like it might violate the company drug policy) and the badge room completed over 5000 DART gold passes. Congrats everyone!

Then I found the Security Awareness Program section of the website. First thing I see is that “Security Officers perform patrols after normal business hours and during the weekends and holidays in search of unsecured items in the workplace.” (If 9:18AM on a non-holiday Thursday is “after normal business hours” then I am going about this work thing all wrong.) The site also says that the notices do not have any disciplinary consequences associated with them. Phew!

A little later I came across a section of the website entitled “Traffic and Parking.” Uh oh - this opens up a whole other can of worms. You see, another hard working employee who NEVER slacks on his job is my friend JC. JC is about 85 years old (if I had to guess) and he drives a golf cart around the parking lot outside Wing A of the building. To give you a little context: there is virtually no parking outside Wing A. There are several visitor spots (must have a visitor decal to park here!), a few spots where you can park no longer than 60 minutes, and just a few free-for-all spots. So if you work at the south end of the building, unless you get to work at 7AM, you will not be able to park legally anywhere near your office. You are expected to park at the North end of the building, then haul your laptop, purse, lunch, 44 ounce Sonic diet coke with extra limes, and whatever else you have with you for the day on your 10 minute walk down the long, long hallway. This is not fun first thing in the morning (or in new heels)! And to prove that I’m not the only one who thinks this – every year as part of a United Way fundraiser Visitor Parking Passes are auctioned off for winning bids of hundreds of dollars. (In total, the company raised $5,065 last year in the auction of 22 Visitor or Authorized parking permits that hundreds of people bid on)

So to keep us all honest, JC spends his days (5 days a week) driving around the south parking lot and writing parking tickets. Now I no longer work in Wing A, but I did for about 4 years. Many of you know I am not a morning person, which means I usually roll into work about two minutes before my first meeting, which leaves me no time for the bag-lady stroll down the hallway. So I had to learn to adapt to this parking nazi-ism, and I did learn a few tricks (I no longer work in Wing A, and therefore no longer have to compete for parking, so I’m not above sharing this information with fellow co-workers at this time)

• The 60 minute parking spaces are individually painted. So that means you are limited to parking 60 minutes in one spot (not the entire row of 60 minute spots). Since there are multiple spots, this means that at 9AM you can park in one 60 minute spot, then at 9:59AM you can move your car to another 60 minute spot (if it’s available), then at 10:59 move again, and so on and so forth. You can spend the whole day parked in the 60 minute parking row, but TECHNICALLY you are not violating the 60 minute parking rule.


• JC works the pedestrian gate at lunch from 11AM to 1PM. So if you park your car in a 60 minute spot at 10:01AM, you can actually leave it there for two hours and 58 minutes (until 12:59PM) because he won’t start writing tickets again until 1PM.


• JC leaves at 3PM every day. So if you park your car in a 60 minute spot no earlier than 2:01PM (or in any visitor spot at 3PM or later) you are safe


• Employees are supposed to have parking decals. I lost mine years ago and never got another, so I don’t have one. But don’t worry – JC still knows who you are! The parking office will look up your license plate through TXDOT to know what employee is parked illegally. This means that if you are in a rental car you are golden! Also I would suggest purchasing a new car while you are working in Wing A. JC can’t trace dealer plates back to the employee, so I think my dealer plates stayed on my car about four months while I enjoyed premium parking.


• If you do get a ticket – DO NOT THROW IT AWAY!!!! Save it, not only for your scrapbook, but also because you can put it back on your windshield the next time you are parked illegally and maybe, just maybe, JC will think he already ticketed you that day.
  

Despite these genius efforts, I still did occasionally receive citations. (And by occasionally, I mean I’d guess I received about 100 tickets in 4 years).

I told you, JC is very serious about his job. For example, one former co-worker remembered she’d left her car in 60 minute parking too long when she saw JC in his golf cart parked outside her car scribbling on his citation pad. She ran out and frantically explained she was just about to move her car and there was no need for him to give her a ticket. But he said that since he had already started writing the ticket, he had no choice. She pleaded with him, promising that no one would know if he tore it up. JC’s response? “God will know.” Touché, JC, touché.

Why did we care so much? Well the rumor was that if you had more than three parking tickets in a year, disciplinary action would be taken, aka, you could be fired. So after you got two tickets, not only did you get a pink slip on your windshield, but an email went to your boss (and sometimes your boss’ boss) notifying them of the infraction. Of course when you don’t know the system this can be intimidating. But come to find out, I don’t think I ever had a boss that cared. So in my 4 years in Wing A, I TRIED to follow the rules, but the truth is I didn’t try TOO hard!

I’m sure that JC misses me. Some former Wing A co-workers joked with me that JC is bored now that I’ve moved offices. Oh well. I think I’ve found my new BFF in security officer J. Williams. If only I could get someone to steal my work telephone so people would quit calling me!

So what is your company doing to ensure an equitable parking environment at work and keep you and your possessions safe? Remember, Security is Everyone’s Business!